


Feels Like We Only Go Backwards

by summerroad7



Series: Oh! Darling [1]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst and Feels, Bottom Alex, ETYCE era, M/M, Top Miles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 00:19:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerroad7/pseuds/summerroad7
Summary: Miles was angry at him. At first, Alex couldn't figure out why.





	Feels Like We Only Go Backwards

Feels Like We Only Go Backwards

 

They argued over something stupid.

Alex could not remember the details. Seemingly something to do with him being late again and Miles was not having a very good day himself. They ended up glaring at each in silence in the tour bus on the way to sound check. Miles was still upset with him even right before they went on stage. It was a bizarre moment: they’d had their ups and downs, but the time of touring together was always too precious for any of them to stay pissed for very long.

Miles was usually the one who broke the ice first, with a joke, a funny face or, if there was nobody else around, a kiss. But this time he was very determined to stay angry at Alex. He even leaked some of his irrigation into the performance. His vocal more aggressive, his facial expression colder and his gaze more intense when—if, it ever touched Alex on the side.

Alex was never good with words if they were not written down. He’d usually ponder for quite a while, trying to grasp what exactly he had to say. But they were on stage and there’s neither need nor place for him to think thoroughly. Miles was on the other side of the stage, playing his guitar like he could pour his heart into the strings and show the world the inside of his mind simply by strumming them viciously. Alex was unable to do so. What he could do now was to stand there and read.

Miles looked back at him. He walked away and then backwards, almost like he was feeling the same: hesitant, indecisive and caged. Alex read it as a good sign. He was encouraged to be the one who offered his hand first this time, no words needed. Alex took down his mic from the stand, approaching Miles when they started playing the song that (they both were too aware) was the special one.

Some humor was in those lyrics and also in the way they played it: The song was written just like that, in a small, crowded room with Miles standing next to him, hunched to play the guitar. Alex was distracted by the music itself then and only realized they were way too close to each other later. That later somehow extended to a whole decade. Now they were always way too close when playing it.

He didn’t come over at first. Alex got down on his knees and for a moment he had Miles’ full attention. His gaze was hard and heavy. But when Alex lied down on the floor and did all those ridiculous things, Miles looked away.

Alex knew Miles was not so mad that he’d let it be too obvious. He got up and put his arm around Miles’ shoulder, offering him the mic. Alex could feel Miles muscles strained under his touch and the verse he sang almost sounded accusing. When Alex tried to bend down and share the mic with him, Miles pulled away.

It was indeed a bizarre day, Alex guessed. It was unusual that he read Miles wrong. When it happened, it stung.

The show went on nonetheless. Nobody could even tell they were having a silent fight during the entire performance. It was when they got off the stage and Miles declined to go to the afterparty, saying something like not feeling it that their friends began eyeing Alex incredulously.

Alex was at lost. Also he didn’t like everyone just assumed that he would know what was going on.

Still, he followed Miles back to the hotel. They sat in the cab silently for the second time of the day. It reminded Alex of the trip to the airport all those years ago, when their first tour ended, and they were about to go their separate ways (which turned out to be not that separate after all). It was hard to breathe in the car, which made him angry again, thinking about how Miles was giving him the cold shoulder and how they were throwing piercing sarcasm at each other’ face earlier in the morning for some trivial reasons he still couldn’t recall.

“Don’t follow me.” Miles stopped at the door. Alex was taken aback by his harsh tone.

“Oh, really?” He dragged each word to be unnecessarily long. “That was not what you said last night.”

Miles was startled by him mentioning the night before. They had too much to drink and Miles had pleaded him to stay: Alex always went back to his own room these days no matter how much alcohol was consumed. It was rather unusual that Miles was the one to beg in bedrooms (Somehow, he was softer when Alex was around). Alex probably should not be abusing his special treatments just to get back to Miles. But they were fighting and he got childish whenever Miles was with him.

Miles pushed open the door violently. He tried his best to block Alex outside.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Alex snapped, slamming the door close.

Miles shouted back: “I don’t fucking know, okay?” He seemed truly bewildered himself. “Leave me alone, Alex.”

“Alright.” Alex replied mockingly. He would think it was just like that—Miles was unhappy, but it was not because whatever Alex did—if Miles didn’t cast him a tentative glance when he spoke. There was no way Alex would read him wrong twice on the same day. “After you talk to me.” Alex challenged. He walked towards him until he had Miles cornered at the other side of the room. Miles had kicked off his loafers the moment he got in and Alex was still fully dressed. When Miles leaned back on the wall, Alex needed to lower his gaze a bit to confront him.

“You’re pissed at me.” He stated the obvious fact.

Miles closed his eyes so tightly that it almost looked like he was in pain. But he refused to answer. Alex’s own anger was bubbling up. He was exhausted and out of patience. “Okay, I apologize.”

“For what?” Miles huffed.

Alex didn’t know. But he was bothered by the possibility of them emerged in this cold silence for any longer. It was a waste of time in every sense.

“You’re always like this, Al.” Miles looked at him in the eyes finally, whispering in frustration. “You can’t just give me that face again and expect me to—"

“I’ve never made you do anything.” Alex hit back. Only this was an accusation that he couldn’t bear. “I’m here to make amends and you’re being a difficult bitch.”

Miles opened his mouth to argue but no sound came out. If it was anybody else, Alex would be alerted seeing that scary face. However, it’s Miles, so he didn’t back off.

It took less than a second for them to be all over each other. Miles grabbed at his hair and pulled so hard that Alex gasped in pain, giving Miles the chance to push his tongue into Alex’s mouth. They fought for dominance with teeth and fingers and legs. Alex held Miles by the neck, pinning him on the wall and Miles forced one leg between his thighs, his fingertips cutting into Alex’s back painfully.

Alex was the one that brought their hips together. Miles threw his head back when Alex ground up and Alex’s palm was there waiting, catching him. “If anything, it’s you.” Alex groaned darkly. “You make me so damn crazy.”

“Fuck you, Alex.” Miles swore heatedly, biting on his bottom lip. He was aching hard in his trousers and Alex was no better. They both managed to cling onto the rage even when they fell on the bed. When Miles was opening Alex up, his long, slender fingers were rougher than usual, yet Alex was too angry and stubborn to let it show. He bit on Miles’ shoulder when three fingers were pushed inside him, rubbing at the point where Miles knew would make him scream. He tasted blood on his tongue and Miles hissed in surprise, drawing out his fingers way too fast. Alex shuddered uncontrollably under him, pained but aroused at the same time. He blinked a few times to clear his view, sweat stinging his eyes and making everything a bit of a blur.

All of a sudden, Miles pulled away from him. It was just like when he escaped from Alex on stage. It hurt him in a way that he didn’t know was possible. Alex choked out a whining sound and was so close to break down, to show his surrender and let Miles have him anyway he’d like, just to keep Miles there.

He didn’t need to, for Miles was back in a blink. He dropped a kiss on Alex’s lids, licking away the salty water so Alex could see properly. Miles kissed him again on the lips, this time sweet and tender. Alex cupped his head eagerly. The bitterness of anger vanished and now Miles tasted like himself, like everything Alex loved. “Sorry babe.” Miles whispered when they parted. There was something weirdly sad in his tone, although Miles was smiling at him.

Alex traced the bite mark on Miles’ shoulder. His own anger disappeared and now he couldn’t tell why he was so irritated in the first place.

He encouraged Miles to go on. It felt different when they were both completely sober. Miles pushed into him so painfully slow and Alex felt every inch of him. There was no alcohol or weed to mask his senses, making the sex overwhelmingly intimate. He felt somewhat vulnerable, exposed and unwantedly honest. “Move.” Alex ordered, although he was still too tense for this to be pure pleasure. Miles stared at his face and Alex was in no mood to fake it. He wanted it to be like the usual way: something happened only under the heat of the moment, something he couldn’t remember vividly once he woke up in his own bed. It was too late now. Alex grabbed the back of his neck when Miles tried to kiss him. “Make it hurt.”

Miles did. Not in a cruel way that would break the accidental intimacy they were caught in. In a way, he made things even worse by fucking into Alex hard and deep without drunken and dirty compliments. Alex couldn’t take in enough oxygen and his brain was shut down by the way Miles was looking at him. “Al,” Miles moaned out loudly when Alex reached down to touch himself, stroking his cock in the same pace as Miles drove in his body. “Alex, I lov—”

Alex pulled him down and swallowed the truth. His eyes were burning. “Don’t,” He begged desperately. There was no going back if there was nothing to blame in the morning. Alex was going to say something more. But again, Miles compromised. His fingers were tangled in Alex’s hair when he started moving in an almost punishing pace. Alex cried out as he was pushed into the mattress even more, losing every bit of control. Miles pushed his legs further apart and stroke his inner thigh brutally, making Alex scream in both pain and pleasure. He was lightheaded and floating when Miles’ hand joined his own, lips touching his earlobe. “Come, Alex.”

Alex did what he was told. Miles kept the torturing pace until Alex was completely spent, trembling and whimpering now he’s over sensitive. “Please, Miles please—” Alex didn’t know what exactly he was asking, for Miles to stop or to keep going or for his unspoken love. His view was blurry again and Miles kissed his fluttering wet lashes. He came with a quiet grunt, falling onto a half-conscious Alex, still holding him in place.

“Ask me to stay.” Alex said softly when Miles was back with a wet towel. Miles chuckled at his words, their shared weird sense of humor back again.

“Will you say yes if I do?” Miles threw the warm towel onto his stomach. But his hands followed, picking it up to wipe Alex clean.

“No.” Alex admitted. Miles shook his head tiredly, amused. He was the one who’s defeated in the end. Now Alex suspected he didn’t give a shit about Alex being late again or anything. It was because of yesterday and all those times when Miles asked but Alex gave the “wrong” answer. Miles just seized the opportunity to take it out on him.

He constantly puzzled Alex by doing something like this: it felt like they were back to their teens and Miles was constantly trying and Alex was mad for him. He had already been even with all the indecision. But they were no kids anymore and by now Miles should have known better. He should understand how it worked if they wanted it to last longer.

Miles sat at the edge of the bed. He touched the inside of Alex’s arm gently. “I didn’t hurt you, right?”

“Don’t even have to ask.” It was a bad metaphor. Alex grabbed at his hand. “You know the answer already.”

This time Miles didn’t pull away. Alex probably squeezed his fingers a bit too tightly. But he received no complaint so he’s going to keep doing it.

“I do.” Miles sighed out a lie. “Anyways, it doesn’t hurt to ask.”

+End+

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by this instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/BrQdpFsh232/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=4li2p5k2xckd.  
> It's their performance of Standing Next To Me at the BBC Radio 1's Big weekend (Full set here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs7P4SJ7CAA) I actually liked this show a lot because it was somehow more intense and I never realized it was because Miles looked somewhat angry (now I couldn't unsee it sksksk)
> 
> Disclaimer: Apparently this was not what really happened!  
> What this fic depicted is NOT a typical healthy relationship in any shape or form. But I hope it's clear that everything is consensual. Sometimes love just doesn't feel like it should. But this shall be a series with a happy ending, eventually (?


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